There is that story where everyone throws their own crap into the communal pile of crap and, given the opportunity to trade in your own crap for someone elses, you will usually pick up where you left off with your own troubles. Eventually I suppose we find some level of acceptance for what we’ve lived in. I know this can’t always be true, but for me, for today, it most certainly is.
I am so fortunate. I am getting stronger every day. I am also realizing how incredibly fortunate I am to be here. Perhaps we are all one decision away from disaster, one choice apart from an accident, one small step away from being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or simply not being in the right place when we need to be.
Today is 7 week since my surgery. Those first few weeks were a blur of exhaustion, being kept afloat through the work and love of everyone around me. It’s only in the past few weeks that I have better understanding of how scary this was for them, and how scary it would have been for me had I really understood what was going on. We are fragile, each of us in so many ways, and perhaps because of that fragility, we are also strong, our strength bolstered by the intangible things like faith and hope, and, if we’re lucky, underlying it all, love. Those are my strengths. Faith and hope. They always have been. And for those and for so much more, I am grateful.
I am giving myself time, for the first time that I can remember, to lay back, color, stare blankly into space, listen to my very eclectic playlist imagining life and choices as if failure isn’t an option.
What a reminder. What a different perspective. What a gift.
Nancy Wiley writes. 